Being a parent means you have a huge responsibility on your shoulders. Your children may not remember everything that you say or do with them but some may have an impact on their mental and emotional well being that’s why it’s important to be extra careful with your actions and whatever you say in front of them. I’m sharing with you my parenting tip on what parents should not do to their children.
Parenting Tip – 10 Things That You Should Not Do To Your Children
1. Parenting Tip – DO NOT scare them
Children are very impressionable, and they believe every word you say. Very often, parents scare their children by telling the story of a “bogeyman” to get a child to listen and obey. However, not all parents understand how damaging this is. After hearing the story of a scary, mystical creature that takes naughty children away, children can receive psychological trauma. Each minor sound or rustle can startle a child; it gets nightmares and becomes irritable.
2. Parenting Tip – DO NOT put on labels
“You are a walking disaster!”This is what parents can sometimes say to the child. Children are clumsy; their fine motor skills are not as advanced as adults. Therefore, do not be too hard on them and stop pointing out each mistake they make. By paying too much attention to it, parents usually make children too self-conscious and insecure. Instead of focusing on drawbacks (that might pass with time), give them love, support, and make them feel like the most precious people in the world!
3. Parenting Tip – DO NOT suppress emotions
“Boys don’t cry!” “Don’t be a crybaby; your eyes will be swollen! It’s not good for a girl!”. After saying this (and many other absurd things) about suppressing emotions, your child might have problems with expressing feelings. Children are very perceptive when it comes to feelings. Due to their young age and unawareness of most problems that adults face, children are closer to a realm of emotions.
The most famous misconception is that it is useless to talk to kids about feelings. Parents think that it is something like quantum physics for cats – impossible to understand. The thing parents need to realize is that children understand everything! The tight bond that kids have with the world of feelings helps them understand many things. Unfortunately, phrases like “go away!” “You will not understand it!” “It’s none of your business!” and so on, push kids away from parents. Because of these emotional boundaries, children become estranged in expressing any feelings in the future.
As a result, children get the idea that displaying their feelings to the public is a weakness and a liability. Parents intensify this idea by hiding problems and bad moods from their kids. If you want to avoid this “misunderstanding,” then talk to your child! Talking about feelings might take some time, but it is necessary. They will understand what you are trying to explain; just find the right way of presenting it. You can help them save lots of nerve cells in the future by teaching them that, “It is okay not to be okay. Talk about it.”
4. Parenting Tip – DO NOT reproach your child or blame it for your personal losses
“I have sacrificed everything for you!” is a common phrase that parents use to make their children obey unconditionally. Well, first, you bring a new life into the world, knowing that there is a tremendous amount of responsibility. It is not their fault that they were born and that they need your time, love, financial support, etc. However, along with this responsibility, you get the most beautiful and genuine feeling in the whole universe – unconditional love. Do not ever pressure your children to do things they do not want to do by making them feel like they owe you. The guilt and blame for taking your “best days” away can lead to anxiety, self-loathing, and other insecurities.
5. Parenting Tip – DO NOT ignore your child’s wishes
“As long as you live under my roof, you do as I say!”. First, it is you who shows no respect for your child, then it is its classmates, who treat your kid as a pushover, then it is boss and so on. Respect your child, listen to their ideas, thoughts, and feelings, support your little one, and help it to become the best version of itself. Then, no insecurities will stand a chance!
6. Parenting Tip – DO NOT apply different methods of upbringing within one family
It concerns the situations when one of the parents says, “Yes, I give my consent.” and the other says, “No, I don’t permit it.” Such extreme “dissonance” in parents’ ideas, thoughts, and views can confuse the child. It leads to misunderstandings and crippled morality for a child who does not understand what is right and what is wrong. It influences social behavior as well as personal outlook. The situation gets even worse if parents start arguing in front of a child.
For this reason, you have to agree on your views, reach a consensus. There are certain things you can say “no” to. Do not use it in too many situations, but if you do use them, then stand your ground and make sure that all members of the family share the same idea.
7. Parenting Tip – DO NOT compare children
Quite often, parents or other members of the family talk about children toother people. Usually, this talk turns to a “who’s-child-is-better” contest. Adults think that children are too small to understand. In fact, children understand everything! Furthermore, bad, and unpleasant experiences tend to engrave into their minds and stay there for years, if not forever. They hear you and think that you are disappointed with their behavior or with the way they actually are. It sets the ground for insecurities, regrets, anxiety, and hurt.
Parents think that comparing their child to another is motivating. Well…IT IS NOT. It works the other way around. Instead of motivating, it brings out anger, rebellion, and misbehavior. The only comparison you can make was between your child’s achievements today and its achievements yesterday. Support them by saying something like, “See you couldn’t do it yesterday, but you did a great today. Good job!”
8. Parenting Tip – DO NOT quarrel in front of a kid
The world is not a perfect place and does not try to make it this way because it is a losing game. Understandably, sometimes parents have arguments and quarrels that children might witness. However, try to make this unpleasant experience as minor as possible. You are the best two people in the world for your little one, so do not let them see you scream and shout at each other with rage and anger (or even worse – abuse each other physically). Because of this, the baby can have trouble sleeping and eating. The child can have panic or fear attacks and become aggressive.
If you really have to sort things out with each other, then do it when a child does not see you. Furthermore, remember that you are a role model for a kid. It is you who they mimic in almost everything. Your behavior directly influences the manner your child will behave in the future.
9. Parenting Tip – DO NOT “Threaten” your child that you will stop loving it
Children listen unconditionally to their parents at certain ages. As time moves on, they grow up and form as personalities. It means that they get their own point of view, which, more often than not, differs from their parents. Therefore, some parents go to the extreme, where they say such things as “If you do this, you will never be my child again!”.
This is one of these worst things that the parent can ever do to a kid. These words can create a deep resentment in the child’s heart and leave a scar. If you make such a promise and then do not stand by your words, they might lose their trust in you. One way or another, this method is destructive, and there is too much at stake. Do not ruin the relationship with your child. Instead, show them love, respect, and support. If there is something you cannot agree on, then take a moment and consider both points of view. Find some common ground, talk, and solve things together. It will help you strengthen the bond between you two, you will understand your child better, and the kid will itself feel worthy. This is how you can “keep face” and strengthen authority.
10. Parenting Tip – DO NOT show indifference
Some parents turn a blind eye to their child’s behavior. They ignore bad behavior and temper tantrums that kids have, hoping that it is just because of the age and that they will outgrow it. Unfortunately, if you do not explain what is right and what is wrong, a kid will grow to be uncontrollable. Some of the parents find raising a child too difficult or tiresome, and they let family members or babysitters raise their children. This is by far the worst mistake that a parent can make.
Sit down with your kid, talk, and try to build a trusting relationship with one another. It is better rather than trying to regain trust and making up for mistakes. Children yearn for your attention, but if you do not come to your senses in time, you might lose them forever. They will not need you anymore. There is nothing more unpredictable than life itself. So do not waste your time but make the most of every moment together.
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