How to Point and Deal With Your Kid’s Jealous Behavior Gently

The age 1.5 – 2.5 years old is usually the time when a child chooses a “one and only” person (most often it is their mother) and wants to cling to that person.

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Exactly at this age, children get familiar with “possessiveness” regarding toys and this also makes kids jealous. A child that was once a generous kid might start refusing to let anyone else touch its toys.

What causes such behavior?

Mother is a safe space for a kid. By the age of 3, a child sees the mother as an inseparable part of itself. For this reason, when a child sees anyone or anything capture their mother’s attention, the child views this as an intrusion in its personal space.

By the age of 3, a child starts to separate itself from its mother, realizing they are their own personality. When one problem disappears, the other emerges on the horizon – manipulations. It can be daunting dealing with a jealous kid. But a mother may unconsciously encourage this behavior as she likes the attention.

If the mother indulges the child by encouraging a kid’s “jealousy” towards her, a child will start using it as a tool to get what it wants. Commonly, a child is jealous because the mother pays lots of attention to the father.

Do NOT:

encourage jealousy, even if it flatters you! Do not push away people (especially your husband) just because a child wants it. Any sign of compliance on your part will seem like approval to a kid. In the future, a child will use these tactics with other people as well;
shame or punish a child in any way;
ignore aggression or a child’s tears.

What could help:

distract a kid, pay attention to a little one and calm it down (for example, play with it for some time, etc.) by making a child understand that it is valuable and loved. Afterward, talk through with a kid its emotions and help a little one figure out what to do, “You don’t want us to hug,” “you are jealous of your mother, and of course she is yours, and I am yours, too. I am your father. Mommy and I both love you so much!”;
do something together more often (cooking, going for a walk, playing, dressing a Christmas tree, cleaning the house, hug your child, etc.);
hug your child. Drag a child into your hugs! Tell a little one, “We love you!” and “Come here! Let’s hug mommy together!” Mother and father should start kissing and hugging a kid before it starts striving for the mother’s attention.

Even if initially a child is pushing their father away, it will stop with time and let him in on its game. A kid must get used to the fact that both mother and father are playing with it. The more you three play together, the weaker the jealousy will become.

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Liliana

Liliana is a Licensed Montessori teacher known for her passion and dedication to education. She's been a teacher in the United States for many years, and she truly believes that education is the key to making the world a better place because today's students are tomorrow's leaders. Her experience with Toddlers, Beginners, VPK with Montessori methodology approach; Kindergarten, and first grade made her an authority and trusted resource. Liliana's family taught her important qualities like love, a positive attitude, strong motivation, and leadership. These values have guided her on her journey to becoming a professional and expert teacher. Her mission is to help children grow and contribute to a brighter future for the country.