26 Phrases To Calm An Angry Child

Dealing with a child that is angry is no easy task, especially if your child does not seem to be responding to anything that you say. It can be frustrating and exhausting, especially if your child is angry in public.

You may not know how to respond to the anger, and the correct thing that should be said.

It can be difficult to not respond to the anger while keeping your cool, especially if your child is being relentless. However, keeping your cool is the best thing that you can do in this situation.

By losing your own temper or shouting in response, you are simply adding fuel to the fire. Instead of calming the situation, it is only going to exacerbate the whole situation, and escalate. 

Instead, you will want to aim to use phrases that help to calm the situation and your child. Often, a child may not know how to calm themselves down when they are angry, and this is something that parents need to be aware of.

Once a child is capable of calming themselves down, the situation will typically dissipate.

If you are struggling to calm down your child, talking in a calm manner is the best solution to the problem. Listening to your child and asking them why they may be feeling a certain way is a great technique to use.

It encourages a child to talk through their emotions, and it helps you to get to the root of where the anger has stemmed from.

In this article, we will be discussing 26 phrases you can use that can help to calm an angry child. 

1. “How you are feeling is okay” 

You will want to emphasize that feeling angry is okay, and validate this to your child. This will help them to understand the emotion they are feeling. 

2. “How can I help you?”

This reassures your child that you are here for them, and that they can express how you can help them to feel less angry.

3. “What caused you to feel this way?”

Asking your child the reason why they are angry is important. This helps you to understand what has happened, and how best to manage the situation. 

4. “I am here for you”

This emphasizes to your child that they can come to you to talk about what has made them angry when they are ready to. It doesn’t force them to speak about how they are feeling before they are ready, but keeps the door open for this conversation. 

5. “These feeling will pass”

This reassures your child that their feelings of anger are temporary and that they will subside soon. This is interestingly a great way of calming down an angry child. 

6. “I am going to wait until you are calm”

If your child is not responding and is continuing to be angry, letting them know that you are going to wait until they are calm can be helpful. This allows them to calm themselves down and speak to you when they are ready

7. “I’m sorry”

If the anger was caused by something that you may have said, apologizing can be a great way of calming down a child. It is important for children to understand that parents are not perfect, and this teaches them that apologizing is a good thing. 

8. “Can we try again?”

If the situation has escalated, taking a step back and asking your child if you can start over can help to defuse the situation and calm your child down. 

9. “It is not okay to be hurtful”

While you want to acknowledge that feeling angry is valid, it is important to emphasize that hurtful behavior, such as kicking or screaming, is not okay. 

10. “I love you”

Sometimes anger can stem from upset and frustration. Reassuring your child that you love and care for them is important. 

11. “Remember how we deal with these feelings of anger?”

If you are working on anger management with your child, asking them how they usually deal with these feelings can help to rationalize their emotions. 

12. “Why are you shouting?”

This phrase helps to rationalize emotions and helps your child to understand why they may be shouting. 

13. “It is okay to cry”

If your child is crying out of frustration or anger, reassuring them that crying is okay is important. A child should feel comfortable expressing their emotions.

14. “Would you like me to give you space to calm down?”

This allows your child to have the space they need to calm down, and come to you when they are ready. 

15. “Hitting is harmful for others”

If your child is hitting, it is important to not reinforce these behaviors. Instead, you will want to gently remind your child that hitting can be hurtful to others, and that it isn’t an okay way to deal with their emotions. 

17. “We can work through this together”

This reassures a child that they don’t have to deal with their emotions alone, and that you are there for them. 

18. “Shall we use our normal voices?”

If your child is shouting, gently encouraging them to use a calmer and quieter voice can be helpful. 

19. “Let’s take a break”

This allows your child to take time away from the situation that has caused them to be angry. In the majority of cases, this will help to defuse their anger. 

20. “I am getting a little frustrated, and I am going to take a moment to calm down”

If you are frustrated, this can help your child to understand that it is okay to take time out to calm down, rather than continuing to be angry about a situation. 

21. “Do you not like your toys?”

If your child is throwing their toys in anger, asking them this question helps them to acknowledge their actions. It will also help them to rationalize that throwing their toys isn’t okay.

22. “How can we improve this situation?”

If there is a situation that requires you to say no, try asking your child how you can make the best out of a situation that they are unhappy about, such as grocery shopping, or tidying toys away.

23. “Describe how you are feeling with a color”

By using a traffic light system for your child, this allows them to express their feelings in a way that is easy for them to understand. Green is happy, and red is angry. 

24. “Shall we take deep breaths?”

Deep breathing can help to calm your child down.

25. “Shall we count to twenty?”

Allowing your child to focus on a different activity, such as counting, can help them to be calm. 

26. “You’re safe”

This is reassuring for your child to hear, and let’s them know that you are there for them. 


We hope that these phrases will help to calm your child down. When using these phrases, you will want to do so in a calm and approachable manner. This is important to help ensure that your child understands that they are able to be open and honest with you about how they are feeling. 

You want to create a safe space for them, so that they can feel comfortable talking to you. You can change these phrases slightly to best suit your child and the specific situation.